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It helps neurodivergent young people if you try to understand their world at school better. 

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Below is a list of some common characteristics that parents or school staff might notice. Everyone is different, so they won’t all apply, but you might find that several are familiar. 

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These traits may fit with all sorts of neurodivergence, including autism, ADHD, language disorder, social communication disorder etc, or a combination of these. Some traits may be caused by other things too.

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• Before and after school

• In the classroom

• Outside the classroom

• Friendships

• Sensory

 

Before and after school

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• Difficulty going in to school because of anxiety due to needs not being met

• Overwhelmed by the effort of masking at school. Meltdowns or shutdowns seen at home after school to let off tension

• May get by in primary school but moving to secondary school becomes overwhelming 

• Appears frequently tired and needing down-time when after school

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In the classroom

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• Reported by teaching staff to show ‘good behaviour’ and to be ‘managing ok’. She often doesn’t ‘cause trouble’ or attract much attention

• Likes specific, literal instructions

• Perfectionist – hates getting things wrong but struggles to understand what’s expected

• May be academically able

• Dislikes group work - finds groups easier when they include her close friend. Usually prefers working on her own so she has autonomy and control. 

• Bothered by mistakes - will correct teacher and parents/carers; strong desire to be right

• Gets bored waiting for teachers to explain topics to others that they’ve already grasped

• May doodle, fiddle, fidget, not look at teacher or appear to daydream because it helps her focus and listen

• Annoyed and distracted by unrealistic scenarios in hypothetical problems – eg 'John has 143 apples'

• Finds transitions in the day (eg between classrooms) difficult 

• Finds sudden changes to usual routine or timetable difficult – eg around Christmas, beginning and end of term, transition to secondary school

• May find it easier to chat to teachers or other adults that she likes, than to her peers.

• Finds it hard to understand social hierarchy 

• Finds it very difficult to focus on subjects or tasks that she does not like or find interesting

• Finds it difficult to ask for help or to express any needs in the classroom, eg:

  • May use compensation techniques to disguise difficulties from teachers 

  • May be unable to use strategies like 'time out' cards because of anxiety

• Unwilling to do homework unless she understands the reason for it

• May not raise a hand in class or be reluctant to speak when called on. 

• May experience less difficulty and anxiety if seated with a friend, and if the seating doesn’t change.

 

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Outside the classroom

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• Dislikes PE because of lack of structure/discipline, confusing rules, and sensory, hypermobility or coordination issues

• May be uncomfortable with unstructured time at school and need support for these times more than lessons

• Can find lunchtimes difficult, eg:

  • ​Slow eater

  • Food has to be eaten in a specific way or specific order

  • School lunch is different from home

  • Cutlery is different from home and harder to use

  • Other children are distracting

  • Other children finish faster and she wants to go out to play with them instead of eating alone

  • School policies around what and how much lunch has to be eaten by pupils

 

 

Friendships

• May prefer her own company

• Can look to a casual observer that she’s playing in a natural way, but in reality may be mimicking her peers' behaviour consciously to fit in

• Focuses on one particular friend and finds it difficult to share them with others

• Can be on the edge of friendship groups or have intense friendships which are vulnerable to falling out

• Very uncomfortable with conflict

• Finds playtime difficult because of lack of structure and unpredictability

• Finds it difficult to choose between different friends to play with – very worried about hurting others' feelings. Can overlook her own wants and needs to appease others.

• Likes leading games and finds it difficult to play according to someone else’s rules, or to change the game suddenly

• Can appear to be quite passive because that seems like safer ground, socially

• Isolated and sometimes bullied for being ‘different’ or not playing in the ‘expected’ way

• Often very compliant and wants to 'please' peers, but confused by social norms. Can be manipulated by others to do extreme things in order to be socially 'accepted'

• Doesn’t like others breaking the rules, and will police other children if they are. The concept of ‘telling tales’ is confusing 

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Sensory

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• Finds aspects of school uniform (or other clothes) difficult or impossible

• Can be distressing to eat in the dinner hall due to the sensory aspect of smell and so many people 

• Finds assemblies difficult due to proximity of so many people

• Startled and scared by teachers suddenly raising voice

• Finds noise of busy classroom overwhelming 

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What next?

​> Read, print and share with other professionals:

• The traits of neurodivergent girls at home

• Why doing nothing now causes harm: web / video 

• What to look for: neurodivergence in health appointments: web / PDF

• 3 ways you can help:  web / PDF

 

-> More background reading:

• The Autistic Girls Network's White Paper, 'Keeping It All Inside', has a more detailed list of traits​

• The Autistic Girls Network's ideas for possible reasonable adjustments at all schools

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-> Share the NeonDaisy families site here with parents and carers

 

Please note, this list is not for making a diagnosis. It is not intended to represent the experiences of all neurodivergent girls and young people.